Satisfied

I have an incredible addiction to Sunkist…and not orange soda, but Sunkist. Fanta and Crush just don’t cut it. And I used to hate Diet Sunkist.

Then I started on a diet, so it was either Diet Sunkist or nothing. I have been drinking it all summer, and I actually crave Diet Sunkist now.

So tonight I found myself in one of those craving moods, so I pulled into the nearest gas station. And, of course, like most gas stations around here, they only had regular Sunkist. I bought it anyway, expecting it to be a treat, an indulgence perhaps.  Then I drank all 345 calories of it.

From the first sip, it didn’t taste quite right. It wasn’t just different; it wasn’t as good. It didn’t quite satisfy as it quite did.

And that’s when I realized, “I’m ruined.”

Being ruined by and for His love is very similar. What used to satisfy no longer can. What I used to crave is no longer even a temptation. The more I drink of His love, the worse the imitation tastes. I can’t even go back to what I left because it’s not the same anymore. I couldn’t run away if I tried. My heart has been so ruined by Him that I will never find satisfaction in anything else again.

And it’s not that it tasted so bad that I couldn’t even drink it, which is how I might feel if you put a Coke in front of me. I can always try to find satisfaction apart from Him. I don’t say “I couldn’t run away if I tried” to mean that I am bound to Him as a slave. Even when we are one with Him, He never sacrifices our free will. I am free to go if I so choose. But it’s my own heart that won’t let me leave. It’s like an alcoholic walking out of a bar after one drink. I just can’t. I’m hooked.

No, I’m not talking about calories or taste or anything. Just the level of satisfaction. Because one could say, well, diet is the imitation and regular is the real thing…or regular is fattening and diet gives you cancer. And this post could be over analyzed in every single way in the book. It’s just all about this weary soul that longs for the only thing that can fill it up.

But the thing about this addiction I’m caught up (let’s call it Jesus) is that it ALWAYS satisfies and it ALWAYS bring life and it is ALWAYS the best for me and it is ALWAYS worth it right now, not just for eternity.

My soul longs for You. Nothing else will do.

As strong as death

Before we accepted Christ, we were all sinners in both nature and action. The moment we were born, we were sinners in nature, and the first time we lied to our mothers or punched our brothers or stole a sucker, we were sinners in action.

Jesus, being born of the Holy Spirit, was not born a sinner in nature. Many people believe that Jesus was thus incapable of sinning. False. Jesus could have sinned. Otherwise, why would He have been tempted? Satan does not tempt someone who is untemptable.

To prove that someone without a sin nature can sin, look at your own life. The moment you accepted Christ, you become a partaker of His divine nature. Your flesh was replaced with His Spirit. But have you sinned since then?

So what kept Jesus from sinning? What kept a toddler from lying to His mother? What kept a teenager from lusting after a girl? What kept a wandering teacher from coveting His neighbor’s house?

It was love. Every time Jesus was tempted, your face flashed before His eyes. He knew if He sinned one time, He would not be a perfect sacrifice. And He was sooo in love with you, so eager to lay it all down for you, that He resisted.

So what then should be our motivation for not sinning? If love was strong enough to endure 33 sinless years, is not love strong enough for you? Song of Songs says that love is as strong as death and as jealous as the grave. Fall as in love with Jesus as He is with you, and sowing to the Spirit will become easier and easier.

And although living a sinless life seems impossible for a human, it goes back to a fundamental truth about love.

Love never fails. And God is love.

God is Love

I believe that the Gospel in its pure and true form is irresistable, and I believe that all sin is a result of a skewed image of the nature of God.

The Bible says, “God is love.” Not just God does love or God can love, but God IS love. Love is the very nature of God.

If God is love, this means I can substitute God for love in 1 Corinthians 13.

God is patient. God is kind. He does not envy. He does not boast, He is not proud. He is not rude, He is not self-seeking, He is not easily angered, He keeps no record of wrongs. God does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. He always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. God never fails.

Who could refuse a God like that? And once we accept Him, and we know that we are His beloved and He is ours, how could we ever continue to sin?

I do not obey because I am scared of God or His judgments. I obey because I LOVE God. And I love God because He poured out His love to me.

Who could ever look in the face of Love and still desire the things of this world that please for a while and pass away?

I used to ask myself, “Is [insert sin here] worth disobeying God?” And while that’s a valid question and kept me out of mistakes, the real question we should ask ourselves is, “Is God worth obedience?” Because the answer to that is always yes. Yes! He is worth it! His love makes it worth it! His kindness leads me to repentance!

His love is FOREVER! Nothing in this world is worth trading for Jesus!

I’ll be posting further on this about a more specific topic in the next couple days.

The Clear Jewel

I made a prayer box a few months ago. And as amazing as that has been to witness the faithfulness of God, the biggest lesson I’ve learned came not from the prayers on the inside of the box but from the jewels on the outside of the box.

I decorated the outer rim of the lid with a pattern of blue, magenta and teal jewels. When I got to the end, the pattern didn’t work out right, so I put one clear jewel in the very front.

Last night, I looked up at the clear jewel and got this word.

“All the jewels are beautiful, and all of them shine. All of them are His jewels, but only one dared to be different. Only one dared to be pure.”

This word is referring to the followers of Christ. We are all His beautiful children. We all shine His light. We are all His precious gems. But will we love Him enough to let Him sanctify us? Will we take His words literally: “Be holy, as I am holy”? Will we dare to look Love in the face and let Him purify us? Will we be as bold as lions and as gentle as sheep? Will we flee from sin and temptation and fix our eyes on Jesus? Will we stand strong and hate the world and everything in it?

Will you?

Will I?

Road Trip

I don’t have a before and after Jesus story. Before Jesus, I played on the playground. And after Jesus, I was caught up in more darkness than I care to remember. I was never outwardly rebellious or dark or fallen, but my soul dripped in pain and darkness and fear. I saw no way out. I didn’t trust the blood of Christ; even my own couldn’t do the trick. I hurt people — innocent people, some of the most amazing people I’ve ever met. I insulated myself from pain, and life drug slowly on.

Then, one day, He showed me what Calvary really meant. I was at the end of my rope. I had hurt and been hurt far too many times. I had tried and tried and tried to get over the past. And so I cried out. I said, “Come fix my broken and numb heart! I wanna feel again.” Then the Creator of the Universe rocked me to sleep and restored my heart. Less than an hour later, I woke up with more joy in my heart than I have ever known. I expected to be instantly flooded with all the pain I had pushed away and avoided, but instead, I felt love and peace and healing. That was the day I fell in love with Jesus, the day I cried out, “Abba Father.”

And that day was only about six months ago. I always had a call on my heart that I couldn’t escape. I always knew that He was Truth, but I didn’t know how to walk in His light. Over the last six months, it’s been a continual journey to learn how to walk by His Spirit. It seems unending — it probably is. The guilt and pain of my past melted instantly, but the effects on my heart, mind, attitude and behavior hung around. Every day is a battle against my flesh.

You see, I’m not naturally loving or kind or compassionate. Everything inside of me selfishly longs for my way. Love is one of the hardest things I’ve ever tried to do. At one point, I probably was a pure, loving, little child, but it is too far back for me to even remember. As young as eight, I can remember hurting people to get my way. It just got worse and worse until it climaxed in 2004. I opened my eyes one day and saw who I had become. I ran from it and fought it for 5 years. Six months ago, Love came down and rescued me.

And that was the day my journey began. The Lord is sanctifying me. He is making me a mountain that cannot be moved. He’s perfecting my faith. I’ve no choice but to let Him. He saved my life! He washed my feet!

So I may be a little rough on the edges, but my God is smoothing them out. My flesh may be strong, but my Lord is stronger. I may be a fixer-upper, but my Daddy is the best carpenter in all of Nazareth.

“Commit your way to the LORD; trust in Him and He will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.” Psalm 37:5-6

“If the LORD delights in a man’s way, He makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand.” Psalm 37:23-24

“Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful; He will surely do it.” 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24

“Maybe it’s a road trip, not just a quick flight, to Paradise.”

Sorrow that brings repentance

Something kinda dawned on me last night when I was talking to a friend. She was dealing with a lot of doubt and confusion. She was unable to discern what the Lord was saying, and I immediately recognized a sense of guilt in her.

I began to admonish her that her guilt was not from God, that guilt is never from God. And then it hit me. Guilt is the enemy’s counterfeit of conviction.

I have known that the enemy has a counterfeit for almost every good thing the Lord has, counterfeit gifts, counterfeit wills. He twists and turns God’s plan to make it a good plan. Satan takes us on baby steps away from God, small, easy steps. And the counterfeits are so close to the real thing that we don’t even realize he’s doing it.

But I never really recognized guilt as that.

Let’s look at guilt. Guilt is a general feeling of unworthiness and regret. Sometimes, it goes back to a specific event, but often it’s just a feeling we have in general about ourselves. Guilt brings a sense of hopelessness because there’s nothing you can do to make it right or to make yourself worthy. Guilt can stem from what other people have said about us or to us.

But let me promise you one thing: Guilt is never from God.

I’ve had my fair share of guilt. It took me two years to forgive myself for a certain past sin. I didn’t trust myself. I didn’t trust my God. This guilt did not lead to correction in future situations; it lead to death and pain and anguish.

“The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came upon me;  I was overcome by trouble and sorrow. Then I called on the name of the LORD : ‘O LORD, save me!’” Psalm 116:3-4

Like the verse above says, the cords of death will entangle us until we call on the name of the Lord. If you are overcome by guilt, the only solution is to cry out for mercy. He will save you!

God’s real gift is conviction. And yes, it’s a gift. It’s beautiful and glorious and leads to life. The Holy Spirit convicts. Conviction is specific. And conviction can be dealt with. When convicted, we repent and are forgiven. Then, the Holy Spirit empowers us to have victory over that sin if we let Him. We cannot bring ourselves to conviction. The Holy Spirit teaches us as we are able to learn. He will bring up our sins when He is ready. Trust in His perfect timing.

“Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.” 2 Corinthians 7:10

Lord, I pray that you would break the chains of the grave over our hearts tonight. Show us how you see us. We are blameless and spotless before you as you look at us through the lens of Your Son. Thank You for your perfect sacrifice. We refuse to let the grave overcome us! We will overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony! Spirit, bring conviction where it is needed and lead us to the way everlasting. Let us know the power of the Holy Spirit to convict, heal and empower. In You, we live and move and have our being.

“But I tell you the truth: It is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Counselor will not come to you; but if I go, I will send Him to you. When He comes, He will convict the world of guilt in regard to sin and righteousness and judgment: in regard to sin, because men do not believe in Me; in regard to righteousness, because I am going to the Father, where you can see Me no longer; and in regard to judgment, because the prince of this world now stands condemned.” John 16:7-11

Lift your head to the Lord of all light.

He Knew

As a journalist, I just can’t help but analyze the denotation and connotation of words.

There are several terms that have evolved in our Christian circles that just kinda make me cringe. The fact that they even exist is both sad and frustrating.The reason they exist is because the alternative was so far from the truth. The people who coined these terms are actually on the right track in a way. It is the antithesis of these terms that worries me. This is not written with pride but with deep concern. Bear with me. There’s a beautiful point at the end that shows the sacrificial love of our Savior.

So here they are: The Top 5 Christian Terms That Make Me Gag.

5. Bible-believing Christian.What?! I find this one particularly perplexing. This implies that one can be a Christian without believing in the Bible. The Word of God endures forever. The Word of God makes us holy. Jesus is the Word who became flesh. Everything is contingent on the Word. If we don’t believe in the Bible, we don’t have anything. If one word of the Bible is false or not literal, the whole thing is a fabricated lie. I have two choices: the Word in its entirety is the perfect, absolute Word of God (2 Timothy 3:16), or it is all a lie. I can’t pick and choose what to believe and obey, even though I sometimes wish I could. Following Jesus is an all or nothing kind of journey.

4. Missionary Baptist Church. I can understand some disagreements on denominations. And I honestly don’t know how to resolve some of them. I could not pick out the truth and make a perfect church if I tried. But I do know one thing. Missions is not up for interpretation. Matthew 28:19-20 and Acts 1:9 make it very clear that preaching to the nations and to our own cities is MANDATED. This is a pretty hard truth to swallow. If we choose to believe that every Word of the Bible is true, we’re gonna have a hard time with this one. Jesus really wants me to give up my comfort and go whenever and wherever He calls?! Yes. Like I said, all or nothing.

3. Charismatic. The denotation of this word is wonderful. It means “gift” or “favored by God.” That’s definitely a label I’d love to carry. But the connotation of this word is what gets me. Not only has it confused and hurt many people, it makes an unnecessary distinction. I’m sure Paul never would have guessed that people would reject the very power that He preached with and lived by. Also, this word is by no means biblical.

2. Nondenominational. People always ask me if my church is nondenominational, and I say no. Do we have a denomination? Did the Acts 2 Church have a denomination? Nondenominational has even become it’s own denomination with pride and selfishness and corruption. Can someone please stop the cycle? If the word “Christian” is only in the Bible three times, I hate to even think about the lack of biblical basis for all our denomination labels.

1. Spirit-Filled Bible. The Spirit breathed the Word of God. The Spirit fills every Bible and every believer. How have we managed to take the very Spirit who inspired the Word out of His Word?

But this brings me to an amazing truth. Yes, we’ve wandered very far from the biblical picture of our walk and Church. Yes, the Bride is spread out over too many denominations and divided over too many issues. But one night, it just hit me that the Sovereign God knew this would be the state of His Church in 2009 as He was hanging on the cross.

When reading Matthew 13, I can help but be overwhelmed by the belief that Jesus knew this was coming. He knew that between His comings, His Kingdom would be one of wheat and weeds, of yeast and dough, of good fish and bad fish. HE KNEW! And as breathtaking as that truth is, get this: He died anyway. So that’s what what happening when the Lord gave me these lyrics.

“Surely You Knew”

Surely You Knew
Your Body would disgrace You
Surely You Knew
Your followers would be few
Surely You Knew
The Acts 2 Church was fading
Surely You Knew
The Bride was not worth saving

You came anyway
You died upon a cross
You came anyway
You made a way for us
You came anyway
You came to seek and save
You came anyway
The spotless Lamb was slain

Surely You Know
Your Bride will come together
Surely You Know
Jesus will reign forever
Surely You Know
The King is still returning
Surely You Know
So we will wait with yearning

One day soon, Your Bride will be one
We put our hope in the risen Son
We will live by the Spirit within
As You rose, You’ll descend again

He Loves Me

"For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, 'Do not fear; I will help you.'" Isaiah 41:13

Here’s just a few conversations I’ve had with our Daddy recently that just really show His tender, sweet Father heart.

Me: (apologizing for sin waaaay in my past): I’m sorry, Daddy. I’m sorry.

Him: I know, I know, I know…Shhh….

Me: Put a deep conviction in the heart of someone who can make a difference, Lord.

Him: You don’t think you can make a difference?

Me: Make me beautiful, Lord.

Him: I already did.

Me: I know, but make my spirit beautiful.

Him: That’s the most beautiful part of you.

A Cry for Mercy

Well, here’s just another way the Lord has ruined me.

I am trying to read my government textbook, and it turned into a time of weeping and intercession. This chapter is about civil liberties, and it is discussing the eighth amendment clause against “cruel and unusual punishment” and debating if the death penalty should fall into that category. I was fine until I read this sentence:

The death penalty is seen as a proper expression of retribution, echoing the biblical phrase “an eye for an eye.”

I felt a deep emptiness in my gut and just cried out, “Lord, help us.”

It does not bother me that America is not a Christian nation anymore (or ever truly has been for that matter). It does not even bother me so much that prayer is taken out of schools and every song on the radio is soaked in secularism even on the so-called Christian stations. What bothers me is that we still pretend to be. We take the Word of God out of context and use it to steal, kill and destroy. Sounds familiar eh?

It is no lie that the Bible says “an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.” The Old Testament is filled with stories of justice. But we’re living a half gospel. We’re pleading the blood of Christ to cover our sins, but we’re stopping short of walking in the resurrection of the King. Christ did not die merely for mercy’s sake; He also died for grace. Not only is the filth of yesterday washed white as snow, but the resurrection of Christ empowers us to imitate Jesus tomorrow. How quickly we forget the words of Christ in Matthew 5.

³⁸You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ ³⁹But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.

I can’t help but compare America to the Israel I see in the Old Testament. If we’re going to declare ourselves a chosen people, we better be prepared to live up to that title. The nation of Israel was surrounded by vile, lustful and idolatry-stricken nations. The Lord again and again commanded them not to walk in the ways of the countries that surrounded them. Often times, the kings fell way short, and the judgment was fierce. Why did the Lord seem to call Israel to such a high standard while the countries around them reveled in sin and immorality? Because Israel was His people. We must not forget that judgment begins with the house of God.

So here we are. A nation composed of about 80 percent self-identified Christians. To the world, we claim to be His people. But are we different from them? Are we doing what is right in the eyes of the Lord or walking in the ways of the surrounding nations? I venture to say neither. I venture to say that we are one of the most worldly nations in the world. Civilized? Yes. But moral? I think not.

If you don’t believe me, check this out. Only three nations executed more criminals last year: China, Iran and Saudi Arabia. Rounding out the top six is Iraq and Pakistan. We are one of 62 countries who still practice the death penalty compared to 135 who do not either by law or by practice. Even Russia has abolished the death penalty in practice. Almost all of Europe is abolitionist, and only one South American nation practices the death penalty. The death penalty is most prevalent in the “Bible belt” of the South. http://www.deathpenaltyinfo.org/abolitionist-and-retentionist-countries We are also one of only 31 countries that allow abortion for any reason. http://www.pregnantpause.org/lex/world02.jsp …All in the name of Christ.

I’m ready. I’m ready for what President Obama said about America not being a Christian nation to be true. I’m ready for us to either change our name or change our ways. I’m mourning the deaths of too many criminals (guilty or not, they are the children of our gracious and merciful God) and too many babies. I’m standing in the gap and pleading the blood of Christ over this God forsaking nation. I’m not so interested in changing laws. I’m not naive enough to think that illegalizing the death penalty and abortion will change hearts. As seen in my own life, the Lord alone can change hearts. What concerns me is the similarities between the world and the believers.

¹⁵Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. ¹⁶For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes not from the Father but from the world. ¹⁷The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever. 1 John 2:15-17

I am crying out for mercy.

I write this with the pain of this young man still fresh on my heart. He was sentenced to the death penalty in Brazos County this year. The Lord used this convicted murderer to change my heart, intercession and life forever.

Please, children of God, stand with me! Stand in the gap. Pour out the prayers of the Spirit. Ask for hope that the Lord is moving in this nation. Pray with expectation. Believe that He is faithful. Will someone please help me bring the love of God back to this hurting world? We’ve preached fire and brimstone for far too long. Let us not forget that Christ is the fulfillment of the Law. Let us not forget that love covers over a multitude of sins.

As I sit here weeping over the tainted Bride of Christ, I can’t help but remember that “Love is the answer.”

Love is always the answer. And God is love.

Never Forsaken

The Lord has been teaching me a LOT about faith this summer.

At the beginning of the summer, I was experiencing the presence of the Lord richly, and my faith began to be less of a faith and more of a fact. I asked myself, “Is it faith if you know?”

A few weeks later, He was gone….as in, the tangibility of His presence that was once lavished on me so thickly…was gone. I couldn’t feel Him. I couldn’t hear Him. I could barely even talk to Him. One night, at the advice of a friend, I laid down on an empty street and poured out everything to Him. I was weeping and very angry. How could He leave me at a time like this? Not only was I out of my community for the summer, I didn’t even have Him. I didn’t hold anything back from Him that night. I laid it all out there.

But what He was trying to teach me through all that was, I can’t rely on my feelings and emotions. I can’t only believe when I know. “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” I did not see Him, feel Him, hear Him, but that’s where the door to faith opens. He said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” He never left my side through those weeks of dryness. How do I know? He said He wouldn’t. Faith is believing when I have no reason to believe other than the word of Christ and the hope of glory. I pictured faith totally wrong. It was about like saying, “I have faith that my name is Kayla.” That’s the faith I wanted. But that’s not what He wanted from me. After He revealed all this to me, His presence returned as sweetly as before.

Last week, He gave me a picture of what my unbelief looked like to Him. I was sitting on our fifth floor balcony overlooking the Gulf of Mexico and reading from James 1.

⁵If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. ⁶But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. ⁷For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; ⁸ he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

The next day, with those verses still in my heart and mind, I went out into the ocean. For about 15 minutes, the forces of nature tossed me, tackled me and destroyed me. I would be knocked down by a wave and barely have time to stand again before another wave hit me. The waves of unbelief. No wonder I’ve been finding it so hard to stand spiritually. I felt like every 1 step forward was followed by two leaps back. Every time I stood, another wave was on its way.

After letting the waves have their way for several minutes, I resolved to not let the waves knock me down. Every time a wave would come, I took a step forward into the wave and mustered up all my strength to keep pressing on. It was by no means easy. It was actually a lot harder than just falling on my face and being slammed with salt water in my mouth, nose, eyes and ears. Even then, the waves still overcame me several times. I cried out, “Lord, help!” after falling and being too weak to go on, and it was at that moment that I discovered how to walk by faith — by calling on the name of the Lord in times of trouble and seeking the face of the Lord in times of peace.

That night, I walked to the end of a very long pier and looked out over the Gulf, the never-ending abyss of the ocean. And then I recalled that the Lord SPOKE the earth into motion. He said, “Let there be light,” and Bam! Seriously, who does that?! That’s like me looking at an empty plate and saying, “Let there be filet mignon.” As I looked out on the immense creation of my Daddy, He said “You can trust me.”

Even as I sit in my childhood room tonight, a place seemingly uninspiring and ordinary, the Lord is teaching me. The Lord has healed me of 9 of the 10 warts I once had in the last couple months. I tried getting rid of them through every treatment under the sun to no avail. I gave them to the Lord and received prayer, and He took them away one by one — all but this last one of my right knee. My Nana has been telling me to get it removed over the last couple weeks, and I vehemently resist. I KNOW that the Lord is going to take it away in His time, and I am just waiting patiently on Him.

So as I thought about that tiny wart tonight that I know the Lord can remove, I wondered how my faith in something so silly and insignificant could be so large when I don’t even have the faith to believe that the Lord can change the hearts of the people I love. I began to rationalize my lack of faith by deciding that the wart was a lot easier for Him to fix than a heart, or even a whole family. That’s when His tender rebuke came.

I was reminded of that vast ocean, the body of water that He spoke into motion. I was reminded that nothing is too hard for God, and removing a wart is not any easier than manifesting light in an uncreated universe. He is God. He speaks, and the impossible happens. Not having faith that He can change people is not a lack of faith in them or a belief that they are incapable of changing; it is a lack of faith in Him and His ability to change them.

I am asking for more hope. I am asking for more love tonight, Lord. Give me Your eyes and Your heart for Your people. Create in me an overflowing fountain of hope that You will do what You said You would. You WILL work out all things for the good of those who love You. Help me believe, Daddy.

This is just part of the long journey He is taking me on to discover what faith means.

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:23.

I will not be tossed by the wind.